DISCERNMENT COUNSELING

YOU DON’T HAVE

TO STAY STUCK IN

INDECISION ABOUT

YOUR MARRIAGE

Many couples find themselves leaning toward different and conflicting paths about the future of the marriage. After years of hurt, disconnection, or uncovering yet another deceit, you can be at a real crossroads.

DISCERNMENT COUNSELING

WILL OFFER YOU A

WAY FORWARD

a way forward so that you can move ahead with confidence and certainty about your decision, whether that be not making any changes, separating, or committing to working on the relationship in a proven marriage therapy model.

IS YOUR MARRIAGE

ON THE

EDGDE?

Have you been living with so much unhappiness that the idea of marriage counseling feels unbearable?

Are you tired of trying to convince your partner that your marriage is still worth fighting for?

Do you find yourself vacillating between working on the marriage and throwing in the towel?

Did you partner drop the D-word and you are terrified that your marriage is coming to an end?

ARE YOU AT A

CROSSROADS

AND NEED GUIDANCE?

When unhappiness and resentment persist, or when a betrayal shakes the foundation of your relationship, it can feel like you're at a crossroads. At this juncture, you face three potential paths: enduring the pain, ending the relationship, or actively choosing to address the issues at hand.

In those stuck situations, it can feel so overwhelming to imagine going to marriage counseling. Maybe you’ve tried it before and nothing changed, or you have a lot of apprehensions about spending months going to couples therapy to work on a relationship that feels dead to you. Maybe you are panicked that your partner is ready to divorce and you are frantically trying to convince him/her that your marriage is still worth fighting for. There is a way to find relief from this stuck place…

DISCERNMENT COUNSELING CAN HELP YOU FIND A CLEAR PATH FORWARD

With 30% of couples having conflicting views about the future of the marriage, Discernment Counseling was developed to provide clarity and confidence about the future of the relationship with an emphasis on understanding your individual contributions to the state of your marriage.

DISCERNMENT COUNSELING
IS NOT COUPLES THERAPY

It is an empirically studied approach that resembles coaching rather than therapy. Within a structured format you will together and individually discuss your respective narratives for how you got here and where you feel you want to go.

DISCERNMENT COUNSELING
IS ABOUT EXPLORING THREE PATHS

Throughout the brief process, we will honestly explore three separate paths — keeping things as is, pursuing separation, or committing to 6 months of couples therapy. All three will be on the table and worthy of discussion.

DISCERNMENT COUNSELING
IS NOT LONG-TERM THERAPY

With Discernment Counseling, you are only committing to ONE 2-hour session. After that session, you can either choose to do another discernment counseling session (90mins) or choose a path to move forward with. Discernment Counseling is time-limited: by the 7th session, you will have to make a choice about how you want to proceed.

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT

DISCERNMENT COUNSELING?

Dr. Bill Doherty, creator of Discernment Counseling, describes his model. I was personally trained and certified by him to provide this approach to couples where there’s significant ambivalence about jumping into couples counseling.

YOU MAY HAVE SOME LINGERING

QUESTIONS

  • Yes I do! Online therapy, also known as telehealth, has become an essential source of receiving mental health and medical care. Luckily, we know that online therapy is just as effective as in-person sessions.

    As I am licensed in New York and Connecticut, I offer my therapy services to countless couples across both States and internationally. These video or phone sessions are confidential, secure and tailored specifically for your needs. Plus, you don’t have to both be in the same location to start working on your relationship — online therapy offer great flexibility for couples who live apart.

    For video session, the process is easy and doesn’t require any special arrangements. A few minutes before our session, you will receive a link to the video conferencing “waiting room” where we will meet for our therapy appointments.  Find out more about secure telehealth counseling set up and FAQs.

  • For some couples, meeting every few weeks to reach a level of clarity about the future of their marriage is not feasible. This is why I offer a two-day intensive process where we spend focused, dedicated time on helping determine a path forward. Contact me for further information regarding scheduling and cost.

  • Absolutely not! Discernment Counseling is not about some hidden agenda to convince either of you to pick a specific path. It’s about giving you a structured model and environment to gain clarity about what you want for yourself and your family. In fact, what counseling offers is enough space to do your own exploration outside of the pressures you might feel when you’re trying to talk to your partner at home.

  • In our first discernment counseling session, we will meet all together for 40mins to give you each time to answer a few questions that are outlined as part of this process. After that initial time, I will meet with each of you for about 30-35 mins (while the other partner waits outside of my office) to discuss and coach you in trying to find some clarity of where you’d like to take your relationship, and reflect on your own contributions to the current impasse. You can make a decision between all the paths or decide to do another discernment session. Then we will switch and I’ll spend some private time with the second partner who will do the same thing. At the end, we will reconvene for 10mins to summarize our time together with each of your sharing learnings from your individual time and how you’d like to proceed. Discernment sessions 2-7 are a total of 90mins each and are primarily focused on your individual time.

  • In discernment counseling, the individual time we spend together is designed to coach you toward making a decision with clear information rather than continuing operate through the fog. The individual time is not about unpacking and getting lost in the deeper, more vulnerable emotions. I will play an active role in supporting and guiding you to find your real voice and wishes. I will gently prompt you to explore and identify how you may have contributed to the current state of the marriage. Ultimately, whether in this marriage or another relationship, until you can recognize your patterns, you are bound to repeat the same mistakes. You will emerge from each discernment session with increased clarity and certainty about the path forward.

  • Yes! I recommend that clients take time either leading up to our meeting or between sessions to do their individual work, which entails reading specific books tailored to your position at this cross roads. If you are the Leaning-in partner:

    • ”The Divorce Remedy” by Michele Weiner Davis

    • “Take Back Your Marriage” by William Doherty

    If you are the Leaning-out partner:

    • “Should I Stay or Go” by Lee Raffel

    • “Should I Try to Work it Out?” By Hawkins, Fackrell and Harris

  • All fees include session time and notes. They do not include consultations and coordination with other care providers.

    • DISCERNMENT COUNSELING FIRST SESSION (120 mins): $830

    • DISCERNMENT COUNSELING FOLLOW UP SESSIONS (90mins): $625

    Please inquire with me directly if you are interested in doing an intensive discernment counseling process.

There’s no commitment, pressure, or obligation. You get to share with me a little bit about what you’re looking to work on and I can answer any questions you might have about my practice.

Note that I am private pay / out of network provider only

  • "We had never done counseling before, and I remember my husband was very skeptical that the therapy would ever work. After just a few sessions with Ebru, he admitted to me that it was the best decision we had made for our relationship to see her. These sessions were eye-opening to both of us. We have learned so much not only about one another, but about ourselves that we never realized before."

    — Westchester, NY

  • "Ebru is made for this career, it seems to be natural for her, to understand the mechanisms, to see patterns and to find very effective ways to help untangling everything."

    — New York

  • "She facilitated us in a very painful, traumatic time in our marriage and helped us communicate to each other what we knew all along.”

    Greenwich, CT

  • "We had an excellent experience. Ebru was punctual and responsive, while also compassionate and understanding… During therapy sessions she was prepared and engaged. It was clear that there was more preparation and investment than I had experienced with other therapists. We found the therapy very helpful and would highly recommend working with her."

    — Brooklyn, NY

  • "Ebru was not judgmental. She gave us both an equal voice - and calmed us if we needed to pause. She is far above a therapist we saw several years ago. We learned to communicate better and use the tools daily that Ebru addressed with us."

    — Westport, CT

  • "Ebru is warm, curious, interested and inisghtful, providing thoughtful feedback while gently challenging my prespective. She was clear in establishing goals for our work together and was successful in brining awareness to the issues I had hoped to address"

    — Darien, CT

ARTICLES ABOUT COUPLES THERAPY